When You Realize...

 
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about writing again, where I could get lost in my thoughts. To freely express my feelings, which I haven’t done so for a very long time.

Although, I have many friends, only a few of them I consider my true friends. Back home in New Jersey where I spent 7 years of my life, only 2 friends of mine stayed as my Best Friends. They stayed in contact with me when no one else would, which showed me their loyalty to our friendship and the memories we shared; the bond that kept us together even though we are far apart.

As a sailor and as diverse the Military is, I’ve met many people from different ethnic backgrounds, cultures and different characters. Everyday, you see many of them comes and goes by. Some you work with. That goes without saying meeting new people everyday. It’s like working at an amusement park such as 6 Flags. You meet and see new people everyday from different parts of the country or maybe from different parts of the world.

I feel more alone surrounded by these military men and women who only cares about themselves and no one else. They would say otherwise but they truly only care about their own career and one else is. It’s really hard to trust or rely on your own shipmates when they really don’t care about other shipmates.

I only met one person, new, in the Navy that truly cares. This person is very considerate of others, kind and very respectful to everyone. Not because this person is in Military but because this person has a kind and caring heart. Though my heart is aching due to the fact that I can’t fully give the same respect and care towards this person. I feel as though I’m taking advantage of this person’s kindness. I feel very poisoned by the path of the career I have chosen. I am not saying choosing Military was wrong or a bad idea…no not at all. It’s the people behind it that made it difficult to be who you really are. It changes you to where you disappointed yourself because of who you are becoming. I have not been acting the way I should be or who I really was then. It’s really hard to come back to who you were because of the mental damage caused by people who doesn’t care about you or your career. Especially your own superiors who says they care about you and your career when they actually could care less; only to cover their asses.

I realized what I have become and can barely recognize myself, thinking about it now. Thanks to this person; not having to meet this new person, I would have strayed far away from who I really was and become more of a person that I never wanted. It may be hard to go back to who I was then but at least now I could stop myself from becoming a person that I don’t want and become a person that I was and I want, of not…better.

I'm going to become better...I'm going to be better.

People in your life comes and goes but only those who cares and accepts you for who you are stays.